Original post date: 4 September 2014
What this means, is that I’m allowed to eat only Purina One for one whole month. Plus, on a daily (*cough*) basis, my pets answer a series of questions on my behalf.
These questions are always the same and need to be answered on a scale of 1 (lowest score) to 5 (highest score). They’re along the lines of “I eat eagerly”, “my fur looks healthy” and “I’m playful and energetic”. The idea is – of course – that I enter my trial month as a shipwreck of a cat with the lowest possible scores, and during the month my scores improve all the way to the maximum after 30 days. This would allow Purina (Nestlé Foods, the same company that makes a lot of your chocolate products, ladies – just saying) to say that their catfood does to cats what viagra does to the male homo sapiens. Well, you get the idea. And if you don’t: you should not have taken the red pill…
Anyway, four things come to mind (not counting food, sleep or Maggie):
1. Swiss people can’t count. See picture.
2. Secondly, a message to those male homo sapiens who rely on that “magical blue pill”. Scoop four to five large spoonfulls of watermelon (the ones who are green outside, red inside) in a blender, splash in some lemonjuice to taste (approx. the juice of half a lemon), blend until liquified and drink up. This has exactly the same effect as that blue pill, is cheaper, tastier, healthier and doesn’t require a doctors prescription. You’re welcome.
3. One of the questions that Purina wants answered is if my poos are firm and solid. But I do my business outside, plus I hygienically bury it. So are my pets expected to go on a “easter egg” hunt in the garden every day?
4. And finally: I’m only allowed to eat Purina One this month. Since I ate (part of) a rat recently, does that mean I’ll be booted off the bootcamp?
Pfffft, so many questions it makes my head spin. Time for a nap…
PS Go #TeamCat !